I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize