It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
