Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
