a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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