I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
