If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
