is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
