You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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