Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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