I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
