Acid is not a monday night drug
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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