can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
