You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
