if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
