Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
