Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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