hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
