my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize