Cold hands, warm shart.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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