i jhust puked up my retainher.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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