Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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