I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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