What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Semen is not good for contacts.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
