I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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