If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I just put wine in my tea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
