omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
