Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
