i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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