i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
