I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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