It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
