I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
