He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
