I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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