No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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