I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
