If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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