she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
