I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize