first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
