The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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