Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
