Don't make out with my wife yet
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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