Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
