I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
