He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
