If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
