I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
