I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I came so hard my ears popped.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
