I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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