I look better un-naked...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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