Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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