kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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