I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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