Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize