Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
