dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
