hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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