So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
