I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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