i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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