come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
