we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
