You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
