Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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