are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
