five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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