My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
