just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
