All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
