I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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