Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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