hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
