I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
