i came on her dog
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
