thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
