he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
