It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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