True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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