I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
